This is a topic I feel very comfortable with. In fact, it feels like a broken-in, wool sweater that I zip up on cold, wintery days. It's like a cocoon. It makes me feel safe and powerful.
I am sick. I know this. I cannot change this fact.
I know that I will never be able to climb Mount Kilimanjaro, dive into the depths of the Mediterranean Sea, or live amongst the nomads of the Kalahari Desert.
Then again, I can never eat a Big Mac, a triple Whopper with cheese, or some sort of cow-product that has been slathered with chili, onion rings, jalapenos, cheddar cheese, or bacon.
I accept that these things will never be a part of my life. But it will never stop me from dreaming that maybe, in some far and distant future, they might be.
I get very frustrated at the fact that I try and try to change the way I eat and take vitamins and minerals to make me healthy but sometimes, it just doesn't matter. At the end of the day, my body seems to make all of my decisions for me. So that leaves me with absolutely no power and no control.
And people wonder why I'm angry, bitter, and pessimistic all the time??
I've had a bad two weeks, hence this post. I apologize if it is self-serving. Sometimes I just need to let off some steam as many people do and this is how I'm doing it. For those of you out there that feel this way because of an auto-immune disease that you cannot control, I feel every ounce of your pain. It sucks that you can't do whatever you want, when you want, and how you want. And as much as we'd like to think that sometimes we are in control, sometimes we just aren't.
I wish everyone out there good health and a better week than I've had.
In the words of Pink,
Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person staring back at me
I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else