Greetings everyone.
I start this message on a sad/scary/hopeful note. Yesterday I found out that the husband of a friend of mine suffered from a seizure and was taken to the hospital. I can't even imagine what she went through. To be in the ER not knowing what is happening and why and then having to explain it to your children. Today they are going home but surgery has been scheduled. Brain surgery! There is nothing scarier than that.
I've had a pretty rough week when it comes to health issues but I'm still here breathing and not in the ER or awaiting surgery. Talk about putting things in perspective.
When I was first diagnosed at 12, I became quite cynical watching my friends live life like nothing could ever go wrong. Granted, I didn't know what cynical meant back then but when I look back on my actions and words (the few I can remember) that's what I was. That is pretty young to start that kind of behaviour. My cynicism has only gotten worse with age. At 35 when the Crohn's diagnosis came, I was a handful! I have always been the pessimist in the group; the glass is always half-empty. But lately, I'll drink the water in the glass and complain that it's empty and wonder why it never fills up. This is an aspect of my personality that is very hard for me to change and I always assume that I'm the one that is going through the worst possible scenario. But I'm not.
My heart goes out to my friend and her family and my thoughts will be with her as they move on with the surgery and whatever life may bring them afterwards. As for me, yes, there is a lesson to be learned so I'll work on that. But be warned, I may not be here for long. I'm pretty sure there are some pissed off trees somewhere because I have gone through like 20 rolls of toilet paper in just two days!
So, as promised, here is the second verse to "The Wishing Song":
Now I don't have a coat of silk, but I still have the sky.
Now I don't have a lady, no, but there goes a butterfly.
Now I don't have a house of stone, but I can see the sea.
Now most of all I know that I am happy to be me.
I'm happy to be me.
What an appropriate message for me today. This is what I am working on. Being happy. Being me. And being happy while being me.
I wish all of you good health and happiness. And give that person or pet in your life a big hug and kiss. And be happy! Man, if only I could follow my own advice!! Do as I say, not as I do.
Good for you for being happy being you... love that. Hope you're feeling better soon and the best to your friend.
ReplyDeleteHi Lynn,
DeleteThanks for posting and for the nice words.
rebeca.
Rebeca, you write so beautifully, and this was especially so....You make me want to be a better person, and I am not kidding.
ReplyDeleteOh Becky, that is so sweet! I am constantly struggling with trying to be better. It's a life-long fight but having great people in your life makes it a little easier. And you are definitely one of those people!
Deleterebeca.
It's amazing how folks that suffer can be so beautiful and capable and no one would guess that are in pain because they are out there living the life they have. You are one of those people. On my bad days when I can't walk or stand and the world seems far away, with it's normal pleasures out of reach, I can get focused on that half-empty glass. Thank God that He does always refill it. Not to the rim, but enough to satisfy. He fills it with people to care about. And aren't we thankful we're writers and so have the means to express ourselves with just a pen or keyboard?!
ReplyDelete--Marcia
Hi Marcia,
DeleteI can't thank you enough for your kind words! I am amazed at how quickly I have found such good friends in the writing community and they were under my nose the whole time. I guess it's true when they say that people come into your life at a specific time for a specific purpose. Not only did I need a kick in the pants to start writing (and need them to continue writing) but I also needed friends in my life and it's like the universe knew exactly how to go about doing that for me.
Cheers to my writer friends! rebeca.
Do the 20 rolls mean that the blockage is gone? If so, Yay!
ReplyDeleteIf not, here's hoping the pain gets lost.
Yes, the blockage is gone. Although since that post I learned that maybe the right terminology is "flare-up". Apparently you end up in the ER when you have a blockage and you have a lot of pain with a flare.
DeleteSo now I have to hide from the trees!
Thank you for posting. rebeca.
Hey Rebeca,
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about all the terrible things. I use to not understand what everyone meant about my attitude. I never really gave meaning to "You should have a positive attitude." I always took that negatively haha, maybe it was the word should. Any who, it has finally shined its light on me. My attitude. Having a positive attitude. Giving positive vibes to the world and the world will give them back. I have been trying this with many of my relationships and even strangers. And I am pleased to say it is working. When I am negative, everything goes wrong... because of my attitude. I have read a book that taught me not to compare myself to other people (mostly in an artist comparison way, but I feel as though this could apply to everyday life). I am starting to understand all these cliches and sayings people use mindlessly, yet they aren't actually understanding. You have to make the best with what you've got. You have turned your disease into a blog in which connects people and allows discussion that is normally flushed away and never whispered. It feels great talking about toilets and poop and episodes and flare ups, and people actually knowing and understanding what I go through. This is your positive. Write On!
Thank you! -rita
Hi Rita,
DeleteYou are doing much better than I am when it comes to positive attitudes! I always get a little peeved when people tell me to lighten up or get over it or have a better perspective on life. It makes me do the complete opposite because I'm convinced it will prove them wrong. How silly is that? I do try to put good karma out there because it is true that what goes around comes around.
I don't know if you meant to put a pun in your comment but I really enjoyed your use of "allows discussion that is normally flushed away...". Flush!
Thank you for the support. It really means a lot. I'm glad that after 25 years I'm finally able to get some information and hopefully support to those suffering. It took long enough! And it's nice to know that I'm not the only one struggling with trying to put a good spin on things. United we stand! rebeca.